Goodbye to Summer, Goodbye to Other Things Too

"Your journey has molded you for your greater good, and it was exactly what it needed to be. Don't think that you've lost time. It took each and every situation you have encountered to bring you to the now. And now is the right time." --Asha Tyson

I bid farewell to summer this weekend by taking a mini getaway to a lake in Maine with a few of my oldest friends. It was the perfect way to close what can only be described as an utter rollercoaster of a summer. I see my friends' Facebook statuses declaring that this was "the best summer EVERR" and though I can't agree I can certainly say that it was interesting.

Relaxing, reading Rachel Ray on a boat with friends.

I met so many new people, and I said goodbye to some I thought I'd never have to. When I weigh the pros and cons in my mind the scale is always dead center, even if one side feels fuller than the other. I have the most difficult time letting go of people--of relationships, of friendships, of anyone who had any sort of meaning in my life. I can't let things roll off my back, shrug it off, that's just not me. I started the summer with a relationship that, though failing, was important to me, and a group of friends and a whole list of things I wanted to accomplish in the following months. I ended it single, and with some harsh realizations about people I thought would always be there, and so many unchecked items on that list. I also ended it surrounded by old friends, and with new ones who already cared more about me than I thought possible. The scales stay even.

Chop suey, one of my favorite comfort foods

I've learned to not be angry anymore. I understand why things happened the way they did. And if I'm being perfectly honest with myself, I would have done the same thing in the same position. I needed the time in college to be single, and quite honestly I need it now too. And with another particular person I feel betrayed by--I guess that story in a nutshell was a friend who became something more and then immediately decided to push me away with every thing that's in them--I don't know. I'm done being angry with them. Though they don't deserve to be in my life, I don't deserve to constantly be feeling negative about it, and I've let it go. Because it's not worth it. I miss being friends more than I miss any of the rest of went on between us, and I'm not sure if friendship is even possible again, but who knows. And another person I thought was a friend has been spreading rumors or something behind my back, which is hurtful, since I'm pretty sure I have never said a negative thing about them in my life. All those friends I had from my ex-boyfriend's circle--only one has called to hang out since the breakup.

I keep thinking of Eat Pray Love, when Liz is imagining dancing with her ex-husband. He tells her he misses her, and she replies: "So miss me. Send me love and light every time you think of me... Then drop it. It won't last forever. Nothing does." That sounds like a good alternative to missing.

Cookies make it better.

So to those who I needed to leave behind, I miss you. I do, because I can't not miss you. You were important to me, and I was not as important to you for whatever reason. I'm slowly rebuilding the pieces of my heart that are missing, and that will take time. Until then, I send you love and light. I take deep breaths, I read inspirational quotes, I surround myself with people who do care, and I hope that I can say goodbye for good some day soon.

Bye, Summer. Can't say I'll miss you too.

Fall is beginning. I can smell the apple pies, I can hear the crunch of leaves. For once I'm happy to be saying goodbye to summer and welcoming fall with open arms. There are good things in the future, I know this. All that happened was for a reason, to bring me to the now, and now is the right time.